About Me

My photo
Bakersfield, CA, United States
Hans was a busy, happy, sweet and fearless three year old when he was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. He fought his disease like a "gladiator" for nearly 6 years. Hans was an animal lover to his core. He was 'guarded' at home by his three cats, Black, Orange and Cotton. He also had his Golden Retriever, Honey, to keep him company. Hans enjoyed swimming, biking, gardening, grilling (he had his very own grill!), horseback riding, playing video games, building Legos, and flipping between Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and Animal Planet. Hans loved all members of his family and he was a loyal friend. He had to go through a lot of treatment in his life. But Hans powered through it. His attitude was let's get this done! His motivation was always to get back home, to his family, pets, favorite foods and pool.

Friday, October 05, 2012

I have been thinking about this optical illusion. I find myself focusing on all the positive wonderful things about Hans and his life. I remember how beautiful he was first and foremost, how sweet and loving, how sure of what he wanted in life, how full he was of unconditional love for the people in his life. I remember how he never complained about his health challenges. He got so many lucky breaks along the way with his treatment - his tumor was for a long time mysteriously responsive to his therapies.  Focusing on the lovely aspect of Hans' life is focusing on the young woman in the picture above.

The tough stuff - the horror of his diagnosis, his terrible treatments and life-altering side effects,  the odds stacked up against him. His treatments were relentless.  He was in many ways sidelined from a 'normal' childhood by this disease.  Focusing on the tough stuff is focusing on the aged woman in the picture.

It seems that I can shift my focus from one aspect of his life story to the other. Just like in the picture above.

But, in reality they are both there and they will always be.

Perhaps the tough stuff makes the good stuff even more beautiful. Perhaps the beautiful stuff makes the hard part even harder. The reality is they co-exist together and always will; the yin and yang of life.


erin marie said...

This musing speaks to me. Love you, Lara.

Kate said...

Yes, you are so right. They are always there together. I hope for you the beauty outweighs the ugly as time goes on when you think of your sweet Hans. Kind of like the beautiful treasure of the pearl in the gritty roughness of the sand.

Prayers for your family.

Anonymous said...

You are absolutely right. I've thought about that alot, why bad things have to happen. It is the balance of life. It still doesnt seem very fair sometimes and it down right sucks. I miss Hans alot. I miss you too. I'll see ya in a couple weeks.

~Vicki K

Shannon said...

Well said Lara & very true. I think about your family a lot. Thanks for the updates. It's nice to hear your thoughts. Love from The Woodlands :)

Anonymous said...

Oh sweet Lara...you are very inspiring. See you soon. D

Anonymous said...

Some say the first thing that happens after you die is you experience a life review. I'm sure Hans thoughts mirror your own.So generous of you to share with us all.

Anonymous said...

Well said! It is so hard to see the good in such hard times, but I pray everyday that God gives you strength and peace. You are an awesome mom and now Hans will take care of you. Love you my friend.

Anonymous said...

Lara, so beautifully put as always. Why don't you write a book? You're amazing, as was Hansie! What's that 'ole saying? - "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree..."
Luv you,

Anonymous said...

Lara, lovely as always, you have such a way of putting words on paper. I really think you should write a book someday. See ya soon

Anonymous said...

I agree with all the responses above.
You’re an old soul and a young soul
Please Write! Can’t wait till we
see you and your family up here.
Pat K.

Anonymous said...

Oh, sweet Lara, life does mix the sweet with the bitter.

Hans and family faced life day by day, showing us how to live well, optimistically and with joy!

May all of the joyful, dear, quiet memories with Hans fill you, Kevin, and dear Elle with love, patience, and grace during this time.

I look forward to celebrating Hans' life and spirit with you soon!

Love and hugs,
Aunt Susy

Hans' Mom said...

Oh good, susan, I'm glad you can come and join us!

Anonymous said...

Lara, I have to say that you, Hansie, Kevin and Elle have been an inspiration to us all, ever since you received that awful diagnosis, throughout the almost continuous treatment and now, even when you are all trying to make sense of everything, you continue to inspire us with your beautiful words. Hansie was a beautiful, sweet, little boy and will remain so in the hearts of everyone who knew him.
Unfortunately, distance makes it too difficult for me to get to Hans' Celebration of Life. There are no direct flights from Qatar to Seattle and the minimum travel time is 29 hours, so someone else will get the "farthest travelled ribbon":-) Please know that we will be thinking of you and will release our own balloons here in the Middle East in Hans' honour.
Much love, The Zeosky's...xx
BTW, I LOVE this picture of you guys.

Anonymous said...

I love this post! That drawing is an excellent example of how we can shift our perceptions. I'm very excited to see you and give you a hug and maybe pinch your cheeks. I always want to pinch your rosy cheeks. :)