Happy Birthday!

It's Hans' birthday today! A these milestones I can't help but spend a little bit of time wondering at all that he has been through. Sometimes I look at a picture from when he was three just before diagnosis and it hits me for a second. Why? What would his little life have been like if this had never happened? But then, just as soon as that question hits you, you realize -- why not? I still have days I wake up and think - is this real? Does my kid have cancer? Do I really live in Texas? Yes, yes, yes.

All I can say is this. Hans is a little bit of a bad a**! You can tell even at a mere 7 years old and only 42", 39 lbs. He's tough. I guess it's critically important for him to be so tough. He hasn't had a day off treatment in 3 years and 9 months. He's beaten the cancer back twice and we are under the powerful thinking that the third time will be the charm.

Hans is sassy and very determined to do things how he wants, when he wants! But he also has a kind and loving streak. He's loyal to his friends, family and animals. He'll never complain about the side effects that keep him out of many of the normal activities of boyhood. And, he's about the cuddliest, sweetest, lovingest 7-yr-old boy I've ever met (when I'm still in jammies). I think it's his sassy bad-boy side that gets him through the rigors of his treatment. He's not the only pedi-cancer pt. who has a wild attitude. I think it serves them all well.

Obviously, we feel so fortunate to be his parents. Hans is a trip. Kevin will say after giving Hans a kiss on his big bald head, "Not everybody gets to do this." We get to show this kid a lot of love. And in return he gives us an entire world of love. And the trust he has in us, and in his team, is remarkable.

I feel both proud of him and scared for him. I'm proud of him for offering himself up to science in the name of multiple clinical trials. Without a word of complaint, his contribution is not only for his own benefit, but he's testing out these meds to help save kids in the future. I'm scared that we can't ever know what trial will be best for him and that we essentially have to take a shot in the dark. I'm scared we don't know the toll the years of meds will take on him, but we know it's better than the alternative - of letting the tumor have its way with him.

Thanks for following us on this wild ride. Thanks for the positive thoughts, vibes and prayers. I hope we continue to benefit from them for many happy returns.


Lara