10.21

Good morning! Elle and I made it back from the campout. It was pretty big fun. Hans was happy to see us this morning, which was really sweet! All is well here, we're just looking forward to Carlie's Lunch for Life Fundraiser at the Dosey Do Restaurant today at 4 pm. I'll write more about Hans' LFL fundraiser tomorrow.

So, a year ago today was pretty terrible. But, at least we figured out what was going on with Hans and we were in the right place.
By 7 am I had already run my 6 or 7 miles with my running group ( I was 3 months into my first 1/2 Marathon training program). I did my run on a loop that was 1 mile longer than I was supposed to go. And, as I walked that last mile I definitely had the sense that that walk would be the calmest part of my day. By noon we had already attended one soccer game and picked up trophy orders for two teams. Trying to wrap up one of our ongoing projects, I had primered and texturized our downstairs bathroom, and then I took a really good look at Hans. He was just hanging out on the couch, lethargic and actually starting to look uncomfortable. I needed something from Home Depot and on the way I called my mom to give her the update. I reminded her that my friend's father-in-law had suggested the TCH ER. My mom told me I should just turn around, eat a high-protein lunch, pack a really big bag for the day and go to the ER. I came home and told Kevin my plan. He said, "Thank you."
I did just what my mom said. I ate a big turkey sandwich, got all ready and even hit Wal Mart to buy a personal DVD player for Hans with the sense that it would be a long day.
I checked into the TCH ER by about 2 pm. Kevin and Elle stayed home so that they could go to Elle's soccer game. Even now I don't feel like typing all of this out. But - hey - I already started.
I did the paperwork and then got right into see the Triage Nurse. I swear that she knew Hans had cancer. The lobby was FULL of people waiting. I went and stood in a one-person line for the restroom. We were called back to our room before my turn even came up. Hans was instructed not to eat or drink. There was a very long wait for the abdominal ultrasound they ordered for Hans. I got very nervous and upset once as I asked the Attending Doctor what she thought it might be. She said, "Well, we're feeling things that we shouldn't be feeling so there are a lot of things it could be."
More waiting. Finally we were called back to the ultrasound room. I think by this time it must have been about 7:30 or 8:00 pm. The ultrasound techs tend to pretty much have a poker face, but a couple of times the tech did a little jump and her eyes looked to bulge right out of their sockets. After what seemed like an hour of pictures, she told me she was going to get the Chief of Radiology. That's when I knew something was very, very wrong. Under normal circumstances you never even really believe Radiologists are back there. You never see the whites of their eyes. You certainly don't want to meet the Chief!
He told me definitively right there on the spot that they had seen a large abdominal mass, definately cancerous, likely Neuroblastoma. I had never even heard of Neuroblastoma. Of course I fell apart. I made it back to Hans' room and we called Kevin. It was awful that he couldn't be with us. We decided he and Elle would come in the morning,and get things ready for a long stay. I called my mom. Then, my cell phone died. It was awful. We went in for a chest xray and I braced myself for the worst. But, no tumors in the lungs. Some how hours passed by without my being able to call anyone. The next thing I knew my mom's friend Pat had booked her on the next flight out of Seattle with her frequent flyer miles. This is one of the single greatest acts of kindness I have ever experienced. I was so grateful that my mom would be with me within hours.
We got a room up on the 9th floor at 2:30 in the morning. I don't even remember who our nurse was that night. I remember making all kinds of calls the very next morning. Teary calls to friends and family. Quitting my job on the spot. Backing out of being a Girl Scout Leader. Finding a ride for my mom from the airport.
Hans just kept saying, "I wanna go home." But, pretty soon as we toured the hospital in those first few days for scans and procedures he started to say, "I wanna go back to that other room." Kevin's mom was out with his Aunt Debi by the next day. We wouldn't leave TCH for 20 days.
You know the rest of the Journey from here, but I felt like getting the whole story of Diagnosis out.